I went to the movies last night, and, lo and behold, T. was there. Soon after the start of the film, I smelled smoke. I looked behind me. Someone upwind was hastily concealing something with their hand and shoving it into a bag on their lap. It occurred to me that the last two times I had smelled smoke, I had turned around to find the exact same thing happening. Movie theaters are dark. It's hard to see what's going on. I don't know what it was, but the smoke made my legs hurt. Sharp pin-pricks. Ouch! What the f--- is this stuff? I had been having a conversation with G. in the lobby beforehand, and the ubiquitous cigarette smoke began to drift in from outside immediately. But it was no problem. I felt no effects. Is this just a matter of different kinds of tobacco smoke, or is there something else in the smoke?

After the film, as the first credit appeared on the screen, T. stood up and left, with her two friends. I had my mask on, of course. When I put my mask on, she put her hand to her face and kept it there for over an hour (it was a long film). Just as I had stood up and left the week (or so) before, at "The Lives of Others", where I had "accidentally" run into N. (different N. than on the train.) And I had one of the two experiences with the smoking then, as well. Well, I pretty much knew I wanted nothing to do with N. the day that she said my roommates were "doing me a favor" by smoking up my room and my belongings every day. Yeah, they're doing me a favor allright, putting me at risk of lung cancer, emphysema, cancer of the esophagus, heart disease, stroke, for the sake of other people being more comfortable about my behavior. For that, I stood her up at the magazine thing she had invited me to. So, I was surprised to see her at the theater. If I wanted to have anything to do with someone who thought such things, I would still be in touch with L., my ex. N., T., they're all the same. Sometimes it feels like a taunt, like, "see what you are missing because you won't accept medication."

I am getting the brush-off from another person over the internet. It happens in a recognizable way. They say, "sure, I'll do X", where X is add you to the mailing list, review your paper, or whatever, and they never do X. I come back to them to ask again, and they say that they'll do it, or they're "researching" it, or "contemplating" something or other, and they don't do it. And I can come back as many times as I want. This happens at work, too. They will eventually do it, but only after repeated, relentless inquiries, and the result will be half-assed, if any. Etc. So, this time, just to mix it up, I sent them this:

Look here, pal:

I have been getting this EXACT same treatment for over six years, now, without relent and without exception, from many, many, many disparate people besides yourself. The ONLY way that this can happen is if someone else orchestrates it. I don't know WHO is doing it, and I don't know WHAT they are telling YOU about ME. For all I know, it could be outright LIES and vicious slander. But whoever it is, they've got you playing their song. Go ahead, tell me I'm crazy. It's been like this for OVER SIX YEARS. EVERY SINGLE PERSON I contact through this or any other email account. This is NOT normal. You are NOT going to convince me otherwise. All I know is YOU are cooperating with it. WHY?? WHY?? WHY?? WHY?? WHY?? Whatever the story is, it must be VERY CONVINCING, such that you don't DARE break with the program, you don't even STOP to QUESTION it, or ask for my side of the story, etc. This technique, intended to instill "learned helplessness," is used to break people down as a form of brainwashing, psychiatric treatment, and other nefarious ends. I am NOT going to allow this to happen. It is NOT going to work. So, if this email even gets to you, if it is even YOU that I am dealing with, know that your efforts are FUTILE. Some people ARE capable of resisting this, and I am one of them. The ONLY effect they are going to have is to worsen my physical health, which prolonged and total frustration of this sort WILL DO and HAS BEGUN DOING. Is THAT going to satisfy you? Are you THAT sort of person? YOU ARE, as long as you cooperate with this campaign of isolation and continual annoyance. I am asking you to STOP. NOW! Call me at 415-956-5700x120 and talk to me in person, because, if you even get this message, your reply might not even get through, or could be edited. Don't bother to do so to tell me I'm crazy, that it is "all in my head," etc. I want to know WHO has contacted you about me, and WHAT they have said to you about me. DO IT NOW!

The lawyer who stood me up has been calling me night and day, begging for my business and has been so apologetic about leaving me high and dry, complaining about his bad back, etc.....NOT!!!